After a bit of research via Google in order to get a feel for the industry, I have trawled up numerous escort agencies, some classier than others. What I have immediately been able to ascertain is this: there is a seemingly endless supply of Eastern European girls in their late teens and early twenties, and each and every one of them could have walked straight out of a decent porno. The vast majority remind me of a young Britney Spears at the beginning of her career, straight out of her One More Time video, but instead of tracksuit bottoms they’ve poured their peachy and perky bodies into various raunchy outfits that show them off to perfection. I’m pretty sure a lot of them have been airbrushed. If that's not the case, I'm doomed.
No way will anyone pick me over these young beauties. Even so, I approach two of the agencies, the two that seem to have the most professional websites, the prettiest girls and the highest price tags. I have decided that my lovin’ is worth at least as much as that of any little Britney lookalike.
The application requires I state my vital statistics and some photos. I’ve picked one of my Facebook profile photos where I’m smiling, and one from a recent holiday where I’m in a bikini. I have just assumed that no one expects me to give out my real name, so my naughty alter ego is now ‘Kim’ and she comes complete with a new e-mail address and mobile phone – I’ve decided to keep our lives as separate as I possibly can. Kim is a size 10, has a 34C chest, is 5’7. She has blond, shoulder length hair and green eyes. Services? I’m not dumber than I realise that I need something to set me aside from the Britney crowd. However, the Britneys all seem to “enjoy” what one of the agencies efficiently categorises as “all services”, which is worrying given that I can't see myself engaging in water sports.
Underneath the main photo of each girl there is a list of abbreviations that mean very little to me, so I go back to Google and armed with what I assume is a fairly comprehensive list, I set about choosing the services Kim is “happy” to provide.
Yikes! It really does turn out that Kim, like me, is very, very vanilla. To keep my options open, I tell the agencies “when I am still new” and hint that I may very well want to expand my portfolio once I’ve got started. For the time being however, Kim will only do FK, GFE and OWO. I assume that full sex goes without saying just like using a condom goes without saying, right? My hooker CV really is quite measly, so I remove ‘straight’ and instead state that Kim is bisexual and willing to see couples. Bit better.
I click on ‘submit’, and as much as this whole thing has come about at my lowest point of desperation and despair, I feel strangely excited about it. Now all I can do is wait and see if one of these agencies believe their clients will think that parting with their cash to spend some time with Kim is worth it.
For someone who has yet to be taken on by an agency, I have already made a lot of preparations for my new life as a hooker. Beyond setting up my alter ego, I have also recruited a friend’s au-pair, E, to babysit M at short notice. She is keen to top up her au-pair earnings, is just around the corner and has pretty much guaranteed that she or one of her au-pair friends (all come with excellent references) can help out at next to no notice, so I am pretty well covered.
This might just work out, if I can bear the work itself. I’m not convinced, but now is not the time to get cold feet. I’ll give this a shot.
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